Seething

This past Thursday, November 20th, I attended the Transgender Day of Remembrance event in Boston, Massachusetts. Actually, it was in Allston, where Rita Hester lived and was murdered. The event was very, very well done and there wasn’t a dry eye in the place. Lots of emotion filled the air and the passion of our community rose to it’s feet! Kudos to the event organizers and the brave youths who spoke out.

This year was the ten year anniversary of Rita’s murder. It is also one of the deadliest years on record for transgender people. One of the reasons why I haven’t posted anything on my blog until now is because I feel so numb and writing these facts seem oddly Mechanical. For the past few weeks I have gone to bed with the images of those we have lost floating in my mind and sometimes those images have jarred me out of a sound sleep. Sometimes I wake up sobbing, other times I wake up with that feeling of impending doom. They all died so tragically and brutally. Lives lost for no good reason. Someone else decided they didn’t deserve to live. 31 transgender people died violent deaths this year.

I often wonder what the difference is between those who wield a knife or gun and those who use other weapons to destroy us. The lack of inclusive employment nondiscrimination and hate crimes Legislation, the lack of equality within a “civil rights” organization, not being invited to have a seat at the table, being ignored by state and Federal Government officials…..all these things are weapons used which have resulted in the deaths of the people I have added to that horrible list. The list of our murdered. I am shaking my head with sorrow.

I feel so disconnected right now, like I’m walking around in the dark.
These murders have all had a profound affect on me and I can’t even begin to imagine how Sylvia or any mother who lost their child must feel.
I have so much anger and hurt swirling around in my heart and I feel in constant battle with trying to keep my head so I can do the right thing and just folding into a pile of mush.

I don’t know how we, as a community have dealt with this much violence for so long.

Tags: Boston, hate, murder, Rita, Transgender Day of Remembrance, violence